i'm so sad right now that i'm crying.. tears just keep flowing.. y can't they just understand how i feel. 4e7 a class i've been in.. ups and downs we have fight though. it's my last yr in ytss. can't i even take my class photo. y because of npcc shooting that i have to miss this class photo taking session

i'm really so sad. y can't mr soh understand. why must he be so selfish. i wanna take the photo... happily with my class mates. informal and formal shot.. i want it.. i can't help but cry helplessly here.. no one can help me. i just have to let this thing happen just like this.. why can't i stop crying.. this class of champions.. that have hurt me so much.. but i wanna take my last class photo with them. to me it's so important.. cause it's part of my memories.. sigh.. she's coming back.

i really need you now. the man living in the shadows of my life. i really need you now. please...

signing off <33
Monday, May 29, 2006

it's my air pistol com tomorrow at CDANS.. bukit batok.. mr soh, mr nirav, mr jerry yeo, caoch he, coach rui hong are going to be there.. anyone could go there.. cause it's open to public. haiz.. i don feel prepared.. i'm tired.. i train for npcc .22 shoot today morning from 8 to 12.. air pistol training from 4 to 6.. my hands are sored.. i hurt my index finger because of my carelessness when i was doing something.. how to shoot.. haiz.. i think i will drag the team down.. being the captain.. sigh.. i don noe. wish me luck people..

signing off <33
Friday, May 26, 2006

it has been mother tongue intensive revision all this while.. it's been tough.. loads fo other school papers coming in.. have been writing thousand of compos for teacher to mark.. compres were just as difficult.. we had 3 exam simulations.. but i'm glad that i'm improving.. now currently.. a B3.. should i be happy about it.. i don noe.. one more week to the actual exam.. i really hope i can do well but i'm not that confident..

she came back a few days ago.. i'm scared.. will she come back again.. some people don understand how scary this thing could be.. i can't control when i'm in that state.. everything just happen on its own.. the brain will make you think of all the negative things.. i hope i could control.. i'm not pin pointing anyone.. and i can't ask for them to understand cause i know they can't because i know unless you experience it yourself which i hope u won't.. you won't know how it is.. once it strike.. it will never be gone.. never.. it will stick to you.. forever..

i guess i got to go to do my mother tongue revision.. i hope i could excel not only on o levwl mother tongue but for my shooting competition too.. training just started.. and it's like 6 more days to air pistol com and 8 more days to npcc com.. my hands getting weaker.. to say the truth.. my body's getting weaker too.. to got to make it stronger.. maybe i won't be sleeping tonight.. chiong all the way..

signing off <33
Monday, May 22, 2006

finally i have the time to at least post something here.. sigh.. mid yr's over..results were bad.. i don understand.. i've studied.. really studied.. i've woke up.. but yet is it too late? i really feel like giving up.. things wasn't good at all.. everyday at least 8 hours of mother tongue.. compos.. compres.. close passage.. it's driving me mad!!! anyone save me out there? sigh.. i really don noe wat to say anymore.. this is my super tight schedule..

26 may - npcc .22 live practice
27 may - air pistol competition at CDANS
28 may - finaly to rest but gonna study hard for mother tongue
29 may - mother tongue o level written exam
30 may - rest day.. but got practice for npcc .22 competition
31 may - practice for .22 npcc com
1 june - npcc .22 preliminary rounds.

it's all cramp up!! i think my hand will break from all the shooting.. how to write essays for mother tongue o level!!!! argh!!!! sigh.. gone case..

signing off <33
Thursday, May 18, 2006